Hey! I thought this time I would post some mildly amusing (to me at least) stories of dating from way back when I was single. I got the idea after arguing with my friend over whether "chillin and watchin dvds" is a date or not. Bear in mind this was a first date with someone... that poor girl! So I got thinking about terrible dates I've been on and this is the result.
Lets start with a not so terrible yet not great date I went on with one guy. I'll start by saying that while he was lovely I wasn't really that interested but I thought I'd give him a chance. Our date consisted of him talking about modern architecture (a subject I have little interest in and he clearly knew far too much about), him complaining about the cost of a cup of coffee (I paid for my own) and how he didn't think that feminism was a real thing. I was bored and made my excuses, went home and ignored his requests for a second date.
Another man I really quite liked, we'd been out a few times and seemed to get on really well. He was funny and charming (a rarity!), fun to be around and I really thought it could be the beginning of something wonderful. Until one night I invited him to mine for the first time (my daughter was away so I felt it was a good idea for a 5th date. We were sitting watching TV with my housemate (ER I believe) before she went out and he made a comment about a black actor "He should go back where he came from" I'm sorry, what?! He played it off as a poor taste joke and we forgot about it. Later on we were talking and I asked him about it. He pretty much admitted to being racist saying that he'd taken his son for shoes but refused to let an (I'm not going to type the word he actually used) Indian woman measure his sons feet. I kicked him out with zero regrets. Disgusting excuse for a human!
Another guy I'd been out with a few times (and again we got on well) took me on the date from hell! It started off ok, we met in Edinburgh and decided to walk and see where our feet took us. We ended up spending 3 hours in a music shop looking at keyboards... boring but not awful. Our next stop was a bar for a few drinks before dinner, it was ok but he started acting quite pretentious and like he was above everyone around us, he spoke to the barmaid like a piece of shit which I didn't like at all and then got uppity at the restaurant because we had to wait an hour for a table. While we had some time to spare he suggested going to another shop... he didn't tell me it was a sex shop! Now I have nothing against them but it was unexpected. He asked the woman behind the counter if she knew of any swingers parties going on that night, thankfully the answer was no (I wasn't up for that and he hadn't asked me if I was interested) and we went back to the restaurant. As we were waiting for our food he said something along the lines of "You know, you'd be really pretty if you lost weight". Ummm ok, you asked me out repeatedly as I look now so whats the fucking problem here? quickly followed up with "If you started working out I'd be very happy". At that point I stood up, told him he'd blown it and walked out. My only regret was not eating first (I ended up at McDonalds). A few weeks later I heard from him again, asking if I'd calmed down enough to meet up again, I told him that if he was the last man on earth I'd become a lesbian and that was the end of that.
A good one now! Technically it wasn't a date but I'm counting it anyway. I was visiting a friend over New Years and she took me to a club she used to go to (a youth club, it was 20 years ago!) to introduce me to her friends who would be at her Hogmanay party. I met a load of cool people but one guy wouldn't talk to me, just smiled (ooohhh candy!) at me. At the actual party he was hanging out in the kitchen while I was being sociable but one guy was being creepy and wouldn't leave me alone so I ended up in the kitchen too, hiding behind mr mysterious so I could escape. We ended up talking for the rest of the night and obviously kissed at midnight (WOW!!!!). This was the start of a 300 mile long distance relationship with my first love.
Another that was not technically a date but turned into an amazing friendship. I'd been talking to him online for ages but we'd never met desite only living half an hour from each other. I happened to have a job interview in his town and it was his day off so I arranged to meet him after for a cuppa. My interview went horribly, the woman holding the interview was late and pissed off (I think she'd forgotten she'd arranged interview for that day), took us in groups and didn't take notes of what anyone was saying. I was late meeting my friend and my battery had died on my phone, so I was getting annoyed myself, but thankfully my friend waited and was very understanding about the situation. We went to his for a cuppa and we just talked for hours, he was very much the gentleman and walked me to the bus stop when I needed to get home. Just as my bus was arriving he grabbed me and kissed me... I definitely wasn't complaining! We saw each other a few more times after that but didn't get the chance to see if we could make it something more as he was moving away. We kept in touch though.
One more bad now. This "man" was a piece of work. Pursued me for a while but I was seeing someone at the time so I'd turned him down. Eventually I decided to give it a go as again I seemed to get on well with him. Intitally it was fun! We met and he kissed me on the cheek and held my arm as we walked across the road to the bar we were going to. We had a couple of drinks, argued over what to put on the jukebox and laughed a lot. It got late and I was thanking him for taking me out, telling him I'd had fun and would love to go out again when he started asking why I wasn't going back to his, that I "owed" him (I paid for as many drinks as he did) and that if I didn't I was just a tease! Motherfucker no you fucking don't! Asked him to never contact me again and left with my dignity intact (a first!). Unfortunately he didn't listen to my request to leave me alone and I had a few weeks of constant calls and messages which I ignored until I just snapped. I answered the phone and told him that if it didn't stop immediately I was going to the police to press charges for harassment. Funnily enough that was the last I heard.
Last one! The bestest one! He messaged me on Myspace, it was the weirdest message I've ever had in my life involving fire, teflon, and one continuous sentence about how he was weird. Well how could I not reply! This was the start of a month of talking almost every day on Myspaz and msn, I asked him out and we arranged it for the end of that month. We lived a couple of hours away from each other so we met in Edinburgh (not exactly half way but best we could manage that wasn't Dalkieth!). We spent the day walking round town, I got a tattoo, he bought a camera and we laughed all day. Went for a meal at Dirty Dicks and giggled like children. Sat in the gardens and talked and talked. (Don't vomit now!) I just knew then that this would be something special. I was very right and I have the ring to prove it!
Gigglesnort
ps. One of these men has a micropenis but I'm too classy to say who, all I will say is its not my fiance!
Friday, 27 May 2016
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Its better to have loved and lost?
I'd like to start this post off by telling you that this one will not be a happy story by any means. There are little bursts of joy but overall its about some of the worst moments of the last year that have happened to myself and my little family.
We'll go back around a year. I was not in a good place at all, I was still in recovery from a mental breakdown and I wasn't as well as I was pretending to be. Because of this my relationship was in trouble, we weren't talking anymore, both of us in limbo not knowing what the other was thinking. It was awful thinking every day might be the end of everything we'd built together. Fortunately we eventually worked through it and we're back on track now.
In summer I lost a friend to depression. I was heartbroken. I knew things were bad for him at that time but I assumed that like every other time he'd come out the other side. I spoke to him the night before he passed, he told me that he was taking a break from everyone for a while but he'd see me soon (not unusual behaviour from him at all) and I told him that I loved him and I'd be waiting when he came back, always. I found out the day after that he was gone but that he'd left this life with his family by his side. He left letters for his friends telling us how sorry he was to go but that he loved us all and would be waiting, always. Just like that someone I'd known for over 10 years, someone I confided in, who confided in me was just gone. I will forever miss that crazy motherfucker!
The next few months were not too bad. My daughter left to go to college to do a course she absolutely loves (more on that another time I think) and my relationship was only getting better. Then after a great Christmas my beloved cat started going downhill very fast. On New Years day we woke to find she had died, not long before we found her as she was still warm. She was 14 years old.
January wasn't too bad, I went to the final tour of my favorite band with my best friend and met up with an old friend for drinks while we were in Glasgow. Now, the week before this my fiance had insisted on me doing a pregnancy test. I was late but thats not unusual (yay PCOS) for me. It was negative (the test strip was out of date) and I'd had absolutely no symptoms of being knocked up so off I went and spent the majority of 3 days drunk off my ass. I came home with another friend (who ended up living with us for a couple of months) and went back to my normal boring behaviour.
In February I still hadn't had a period and I got a letter inviting me to a smear test. After talking to my fiance it was decided that I'd go and buy another test and spend the next morning peeing on a stick. On friday 5th of Feb I discovered that I was indeed pregnant! We were so happy that we couldn't keep it secret even though we didn't know how far along I was or anything because we'd actually given up on it happening (My daughter has a different arsehole... I mean father!). I made a doctors appointment for the next week and just enjoyed it, I even started getting morning sickness and I loved it!
On the monday I had a bit of a sore throat and a headache but I didn't think anything of it. By the tuesday I was worse again, felt like the start of flu. The wednesday was worse again, I was finding it hard to breathe when going upstairs to the bathroom (thanks fuck my friend was living here, he looked after me while my fiance was at work), I joked with my neighbour that evening that I had considered calling an ambulance because of it.
That night I went to bed early as I felt so awful and my fiance decided to sleep on the sofa so he lessened his chances of catching it. At 4am I woke up desperate for the toilet, its not far from my bedroom to the loo but by the time I got there I felt like I couldn't breathe, by the time I got back to the bedroom I really couldn't breathe well. There was no way I could make it downstairs to wake my fiance so I had to call his phone from mine to get him to come upstairs. He called an ambulance and helped me get downstairs to the sofa, woke my friend to let him know what was going on and held my hand so tight. The ambulance came and whisked me off to a+e on a nebulizer to help me breathe, my blood oxygen at that point was around 80% (maybe lower, I don't remember) and refusing to climb. I was dehydrated too so I was pumped full of liquid and antibiotics (I had told them about the baby but their main concern was my life) and kept on the nebulizer/oxygen.
My fiance was kicked out of the hospital for vomiting (hes sick when he has a headache or is stressed but after vomiting once he's usually fine) and my neighbour arrived with things for me (clean pjs/underwear/book etc etc) while I was still in the er. Shortly after she and my fiance went home I had to pee, when I wiped there was blood (sorry for the graphic mental image there) and I panicked.
The nurse was great, she sat with me and reassured me that it could be nothing, just to relax and let the doctors do their job.
I was taken to a ward and put into isolation as they suspected I had contracted H1N1, I was on constant oxygen and antibiotics (drips and pills! no fun painkillers though) and my blood oxygen was still not rising. I had bloods taken and had a choice to make, the consultant was concerned about how quickly I'd gone from healthy to almost dead and suspected a clot on my lung. I could have a scan and risk the baby or possibly die from a clot. I chose the scan, the doctors did everything possible to protect the baby by covering my abdomen with lead lined vests and thankfully there was no clot found. (I have to say it was fun being wheeled through the hospital by people wearing hazmat gear, it freaks the other patients out!)
When I returned to my isolation there was a midwife waiting with a mobile scan machine, she told me my blood results looked good for the time being despite the spotting of blood I'd been having all day and that by my hcg levels I was around 8 weeks gone. She gave me the scan and I was measuring 7 weeks and 4 days, my baby looked perfect but because of the way it was sitting in my womb it was difficult to find the heartbeat. As it was a mobile scanner I couldn't get a picture (that kills me, not just for me but for my fiance as he wasn't there to see). She told me not to worry and to rest just to be safe.
In the night the pains started. Mild cramping to start with but gradually getting worse. The bleeding became heavier and the nurses came in and held my hand (with gloves on) as I wept. They cried with me. My baby died on friday 12th Feb. One whole week we got to have as the happiest people on earth. Devastated doesn't even come close to describing how we felt (still feel). When my fiance came to visit he couldn't even hold me, I think that made it worse for both of us. That night it was confirmed by blood test that I had miscarried (Like I didn't realise that when I passed the sac and saw my baby). I was kept in for a few more days to make sure my oxygen levels went back to normal (my eventual diagnosis was pneumonia) and was given amazing care by everyone. I was given another scan on the day I went home to check that I wasn't going to bleed out and it was confirmed that I'd passed everything. I was also told that the probable cause was my low oxygen forcing my body to keep me alive over the baby. I accept that as the cause, my baby was alive on the thursday but it was too late to reverse the damage done. I have to believe that otherwise I will start blaming myself and thats a road I don't want to go down.
Its 3 months on, my physical health is still not great but I've been told that it will take a while to recover from that. Mentally I'm probably going to need help with that but I'm not ready yet (sitting here writing this has helped a little though, just going through it methodically lends some clarity) but I will seek it out soon.
Thank you if you've actually read this. It was hard to write and probably just as hard to read. So many people reached out to me at that time to offer condolences and I can't thank them enough for that. Miscarriage is still a bit of a taboo subject with some people as its not pleasant to think about and difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself.
Gigglesnort.
ps. I promise the next one will be a much lighter subject!
We'll go back around a year. I was not in a good place at all, I was still in recovery from a mental breakdown and I wasn't as well as I was pretending to be. Because of this my relationship was in trouble, we weren't talking anymore, both of us in limbo not knowing what the other was thinking. It was awful thinking every day might be the end of everything we'd built together. Fortunately we eventually worked through it and we're back on track now.
In summer I lost a friend to depression. I was heartbroken. I knew things were bad for him at that time but I assumed that like every other time he'd come out the other side. I spoke to him the night before he passed, he told me that he was taking a break from everyone for a while but he'd see me soon (not unusual behaviour from him at all) and I told him that I loved him and I'd be waiting when he came back, always. I found out the day after that he was gone but that he'd left this life with his family by his side. He left letters for his friends telling us how sorry he was to go but that he loved us all and would be waiting, always. Just like that someone I'd known for over 10 years, someone I confided in, who confided in me was just gone. I will forever miss that crazy motherfucker!
The next few months were not too bad. My daughter left to go to college to do a course she absolutely loves (more on that another time I think) and my relationship was only getting better. Then after a great Christmas my beloved cat started going downhill very fast. On New Years day we woke to find she had died, not long before we found her as she was still warm. She was 14 years old.
January wasn't too bad, I went to the final tour of my favorite band with my best friend and met up with an old friend for drinks while we were in Glasgow. Now, the week before this my fiance had insisted on me doing a pregnancy test. I was late but thats not unusual (yay PCOS) for me. It was negative (the test strip was out of date) and I'd had absolutely no symptoms of being knocked up so off I went and spent the majority of 3 days drunk off my ass. I came home with another friend (who ended up living with us for a couple of months) and went back to my normal boring behaviour.
In February I still hadn't had a period and I got a letter inviting me to a smear test. After talking to my fiance it was decided that I'd go and buy another test and spend the next morning peeing on a stick. On friday 5th of Feb I discovered that I was indeed pregnant! We were so happy that we couldn't keep it secret even though we didn't know how far along I was or anything because we'd actually given up on it happening (My daughter has a different arsehole... I mean father!). I made a doctors appointment for the next week and just enjoyed it, I even started getting morning sickness and I loved it!
On the monday I had a bit of a sore throat and a headache but I didn't think anything of it. By the tuesday I was worse again, felt like the start of flu. The wednesday was worse again, I was finding it hard to breathe when going upstairs to the bathroom (thanks fuck my friend was living here, he looked after me while my fiance was at work), I joked with my neighbour that evening that I had considered calling an ambulance because of it.
That night I went to bed early as I felt so awful and my fiance decided to sleep on the sofa so he lessened his chances of catching it. At 4am I woke up desperate for the toilet, its not far from my bedroom to the loo but by the time I got there I felt like I couldn't breathe, by the time I got back to the bedroom I really couldn't breathe well. There was no way I could make it downstairs to wake my fiance so I had to call his phone from mine to get him to come upstairs. He called an ambulance and helped me get downstairs to the sofa, woke my friend to let him know what was going on and held my hand so tight. The ambulance came and whisked me off to a+e on a nebulizer to help me breathe, my blood oxygen at that point was around 80% (maybe lower, I don't remember) and refusing to climb. I was dehydrated too so I was pumped full of liquid and antibiotics (I had told them about the baby but their main concern was my life) and kept on the nebulizer/oxygen.
My fiance was kicked out of the hospital for vomiting (hes sick when he has a headache or is stressed but after vomiting once he's usually fine) and my neighbour arrived with things for me (clean pjs/underwear/book etc etc) while I was still in the er. Shortly after she and my fiance went home I had to pee, when I wiped there was blood (sorry for the graphic mental image there) and I panicked.
The nurse was great, she sat with me and reassured me that it could be nothing, just to relax and let the doctors do their job.
I was taken to a ward and put into isolation as they suspected I had contracted H1N1, I was on constant oxygen and antibiotics (drips and pills! no fun painkillers though) and my blood oxygen was still not rising. I had bloods taken and had a choice to make, the consultant was concerned about how quickly I'd gone from healthy to almost dead and suspected a clot on my lung. I could have a scan and risk the baby or possibly die from a clot. I chose the scan, the doctors did everything possible to protect the baby by covering my abdomen with lead lined vests and thankfully there was no clot found. (I have to say it was fun being wheeled through the hospital by people wearing hazmat gear, it freaks the other patients out!)
When I returned to my isolation there was a midwife waiting with a mobile scan machine, she told me my blood results looked good for the time being despite the spotting of blood I'd been having all day and that by my hcg levels I was around 8 weeks gone. She gave me the scan and I was measuring 7 weeks and 4 days, my baby looked perfect but because of the way it was sitting in my womb it was difficult to find the heartbeat. As it was a mobile scanner I couldn't get a picture (that kills me, not just for me but for my fiance as he wasn't there to see). She told me not to worry and to rest just to be safe.
In the night the pains started. Mild cramping to start with but gradually getting worse. The bleeding became heavier and the nurses came in and held my hand (with gloves on) as I wept. They cried with me. My baby died on friday 12th Feb. One whole week we got to have as the happiest people on earth. Devastated doesn't even come close to describing how we felt (still feel). When my fiance came to visit he couldn't even hold me, I think that made it worse for both of us. That night it was confirmed by blood test that I had miscarried (Like I didn't realise that when I passed the sac and saw my baby). I was kept in for a few more days to make sure my oxygen levels went back to normal (my eventual diagnosis was pneumonia) and was given amazing care by everyone. I was given another scan on the day I went home to check that I wasn't going to bleed out and it was confirmed that I'd passed everything. I was also told that the probable cause was my low oxygen forcing my body to keep me alive over the baby. I accept that as the cause, my baby was alive on the thursday but it was too late to reverse the damage done. I have to believe that otherwise I will start blaming myself and thats a road I don't want to go down.
Its 3 months on, my physical health is still not great but I've been told that it will take a while to recover from that. Mentally I'm probably going to need help with that but I'm not ready yet (sitting here writing this has helped a little though, just going through it methodically lends some clarity) but I will seek it out soon.
Thank you if you've actually read this. It was hard to write and probably just as hard to read. So many people reached out to me at that time to offer condolences and I can't thank them enough for that. Miscarriage is still a bit of a taboo subject with some people as its not pleasant to think about and difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself.
Gigglesnort.
ps. I promise the next one will be a much lighter subject!
An Introduction of sorts
Hi! Welcome to my own little space on the interwebs. I'd love to tell you what you can expect to read on here but I genuinely have no idea myself! It could be a funny story, could be heartbreak, could be about whatever my brain wakes me up about at 3am (trust me, those ones will be weird!).
A little about me now. I'm a woman in her 30s, engaged to a younger man, I have a daughter who is almost 19 (fuck me, I feel old!), I'm sweary but thats mostly because I'm Scottish, I'm an aspiring author, avid reader, love music (angry guys with guitars) and I have a multitude of hobbies (I'm an unfinished project collector).
Anyway! I'm sure you'll get to know me better as I post more so read on and enjoy this glimpse into anothers life.
Gigglesnort
A little about me now. I'm a woman in her 30s, engaged to a younger man, I have a daughter who is almost 19 (fuck me, I feel old!), I'm sweary but thats mostly because I'm Scottish, I'm an aspiring author, avid reader, love music (angry guys with guitars) and I have a multitude of hobbies (I'm an unfinished project collector).
Anyway! I'm sure you'll get to know me better as I post more so read on and enjoy this glimpse into anothers life.
Gigglesnort
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