Hey! I thought this time I would post some mildly amusing (to me at least) stories of dating from way back when I was single. I got the idea after arguing with my friend over whether "chillin and watchin dvds" is a date or not. Bear in mind this was a first date with someone... that poor girl! So I got thinking about terrible dates I've been on and this is the result.
Lets start with a not so terrible yet not great date I went on with one guy. I'll start by saying that while he was lovely I wasn't really that interested but I thought I'd give him a chance. Our date consisted of him talking about modern architecture (a subject I have little interest in and he clearly knew far too much about), him complaining about the cost of a cup of coffee (I paid for my own) and how he didn't think that feminism was a real thing. I was bored and made my excuses, went home and ignored his requests for a second date.
Another man I really quite liked, we'd been out a few times and seemed to get on really well. He was funny and charming (a rarity!), fun to be around and I really thought it could be the beginning of something wonderful. Until one night I invited him to mine for the first time (my daughter was away so I felt it was a good idea for a 5th date. We were sitting watching TV with my housemate (ER I believe) before she went out and he made a comment about a black actor "He should go back where he came from" I'm sorry, what?! He played it off as a poor taste joke and we forgot about it. Later on we were talking and I asked him about it. He pretty much admitted to being racist saying that he'd taken his son for shoes but refused to let an (I'm not going to type the word he actually used) Indian woman measure his sons feet. I kicked him out with zero regrets. Disgusting excuse for a human!
Another guy I'd been out with a few times (and again we got on well) took me on the date from hell! It started off ok, we met in Edinburgh and decided to walk and see where our feet took us. We ended up spending 3 hours in a music shop looking at keyboards... boring but not awful. Our next stop was a bar for a few drinks before dinner, it was ok but he started acting quite pretentious and like he was above everyone around us, he spoke to the barmaid like a piece of shit which I didn't like at all and then got uppity at the restaurant because we had to wait an hour for a table. While we had some time to spare he suggested going to another shop... he didn't tell me it was a sex shop! Now I have nothing against them but it was unexpected. He asked the woman behind the counter if she knew of any swingers parties going on that night, thankfully the answer was no (I wasn't up for that and he hadn't asked me if I was interested) and we went back to the restaurant. As we were waiting for our food he said something along the lines of "You know, you'd be really pretty if you lost weight". Ummm ok, you asked me out repeatedly as I look now so whats the fucking problem here? quickly followed up with "If you started working out I'd be very happy". At that point I stood up, told him he'd blown it and walked out. My only regret was not eating first (I ended up at McDonalds). A few weeks later I heard from him again, asking if I'd calmed down enough to meet up again, I told him that if he was the last man on earth I'd become a lesbian and that was the end of that.
A good one now! Technically it wasn't a date but I'm counting it anyway. I was visiting a friend over New Years and she took me to a club she used to go to (a youth club, it was 20 years ago!) to introduce me to her friends who would be at her Hogmanay party. I met a load of cool people but one guy wouldn't talk to me, just smiled (ooohhh candy!) at me. At the actual party he was hanging out in the kitchen while I was being sociable but one guy was being creepy and wouldn't leave me alone so I ended up in the kitchen too, hiding behind mr mysterious so I could escape. We ended up talking for the rest of the night and obviously kissed at midnight (WOW!!!!). This was the start of a 300 mile long distance relationship with my first love.
Another that was not technically a date but turned into an amazing friendship. I'd been talking to him online for ages but we'd never met desite only living half an hour from each other. I happened to have a job interview in his town and it was his day off so I arranged to meet him after for a cuppa. My interview went horribly, the woman holding the interview was late and pissed off (I think she'd forgotten she'd arranged interview for that day), took us in groups and didn't take notes of what anyone was saying. I was late meeting my friend and my battery had died on my phone, so I was getting annoyed myself, but thankfully my friend waited and was very understanding about the situation. We went to his for a cuppa and we just talked for hours, he was very much the gentleman and walked me to the bus stop when I needed to get home. Just as my bus was arriving he grabbed me and kissed me... I definitely wasn't complaining! We saw each other a few more times after that but didn't get the chance to see if we could make it something more as he was moving away. We kept in touch though.
One more bad now. This "man" was a piece of work. Pursued me for a while but I was seeing someone at the time so I'd turned him down. Eventually I decided to give it a go as again I seemed to get on well with him. Intitally it was fun! We met and he kissed me on the cheek and held my arm as we walked across the road to the bar we were going to. We had a couple of drinks, argued over what to put on the jukebox and laughed a lot. It got late and I was thanking him for taking me out, telling him I'd had fun and would love to go out again when he started asking why I wasn't going back to his, that I "owed" him (I paid for as many drinks as he did) and that if I didn't I was just a tease! Motherfucker no you fucking don't! Asked him to never contact me again and left with my dignity intact (a first!). Unfortunately he didn't listen to my request to leave me alone and I had a few weeks of constant calls and messages which I ignored until I just snapped. I answered the phone and told him that if it didn't stop immediately I was going to the police to press charges for harassment. Funnily enough that was the last I heard.
Last one! The bestest one! He messaged me on Myspace, it was the weirdest message I've ever had in my life involving fire, teflon, and one continuous sentence about how he was weird. Well how could I not reply! This was the start of a month of talking almost every day on Myspaz and msn, I asked him out and we arranged it for the end of that month. We lived a couple of hours away from each other so we met in Edinburgh (not exactly half way but best we could manage that wasn't Dalkieth!). We spent the day walking round town, I got a tattoo, he bought a camera and we laughed all day. Went for a meal at Dirty Dicks and giggled like children. Sat in the gardens and talked and talked. (Don't vomit now!) I just knew then that this would be something special. I was very right and I have the ring to prove it!
Gigglesnort
ps. One of these men has a micropenis but I'm too classy to say who, all I will say is its not my fiance!
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